This semester in school I was asked to start a blog. We have been given different topics to write about, most of which I enjoyed, and it showed me how much I really do enjoy writing but if I’m being honest I don’t think I would ever keep up with it. With school, and kids, wife and being sick I don’t ever see myself stopping to take the time to sit down and write just because. I did, however, find that there are things in life I am very passionate about and should keep using my voice to fight for them. I am very blessed to have been given the opportunity to talk about my disease and even though my blog has my name in it I felt safe. There are many times in my life I don’t want to discuss being sick. Not only do people not see me as sick but I constantly hear how I’m not old enough to be that sick or don’t look sick. I have to deal with the way I feel and my ilness averday so needless to say I don’t always feel safe or feel the freedom to talk about it. In closing, I think I have been very blessed in this class to not only have the people i got to enjoy but also to have been given the topics that allowed me to express myself. It was a very fun class but I really don’t think I could honestly find time to keep up this blog.
I cant say that there was one single thing in my life that got me to where I am. My grandmother had a big part in raising me, my wife’s grandmother raised her and everything that happened was like a domino effect. Early in 2012 my Grandmother passed away, later that year we took a vacation to FL to see her grandmother who we found out was very sick. She joked about moving to FL to which we both agreed would actually be a really good idea. my grandmother had just passed so leaving was kind of a relief in a way, her grandmother was sick so she needed to be close to her. By the end of the year she had found a job and went to FL with me and the kids still here, giving her time to find us a place to live and the kids time to finish out the school year. We moved to FL in Feb of 2013 and I transferred with my job, which was jewelry, to a mall close to us but she knew I wasn’t happy. I wanted everything to change not just our location I wanted a career I wanted to change what I was doing. Sitting in our living room in sunny FL full of excitement, determination and the support of my wife at 30yrs old I went back to school to be a nurse, something I had always wanted to do. In 2015 I graduated with an associates degree and am now pursuing my BSN in nursing, I guess everything fell together all at the right time, sometimes its the bad things that push you to strive to be better, but I could never have made it here with out the support of my wife.
There are many things that I can say that I am passionate about. If I had to pick one it would definitely be my family. Our family is very close, I am engaged to my wife who I have been with for 8 years. We have four kids together, she has two boys ages 23 and 19 and I have two girls ages 15 and 9. Our oldest just got married and our 19yr old is a manager at CVS. The 15yr old will be a sophomore at Fairmont Highschool this year in all honors classes and our star baseball player is going into fourth grade at Southdale Elementary. Being a mom is the single most stressful and yet most rewarding job I have ever had. It’s also the most important. As moms, we are responsible for taking these young children and molding them into responsible, compasionate, dedicated, hard working and functioning adults. There are many moments I question my antics and wonder if I am doing a good job or if I am going to fail, but they find ways of reminding me amidst it all they do hear me. Like when our 19-year-old son says he loves me or thank you when you do something for him and finally he doesn’t just expect it. Or the moment our youngest gave us an entire candy jar filled with reasons she loves my wife and I. I have to say the most rewarding is when one of them shows empathy or compassion. For instance, our two youngest girls rarely get along. one day we went to the gas station and there was a boy standing outside and his two friends had gone in to get slushies, they told him they didn’t have enough money to get him one. Not only was he sad but even worse I believe he had some form of autism. My daughter was hurt by this she knew I only had enough money to get her and her sister a slushy but she gave hers to this little boy anyway and the smile on his face was so contagious it became a smile on all of our faces. when we got in the car much to my surprise I turned around to see both the girls sharing the slushy the older one had. seeing as how this never happens again I was elated. It’s the little things that remind me of how much I love being their mom!
Almost a year ago I was diagnosed with Lupus. I don’t think I could really explain the thoughts that initially went threw my head. At first i left the doctors office relived. I had spent years in and out of the hospital sometimes spending weeks at a time in pain and having unexplained issues with both my nervous and immune system. Finally I had some type of answer as to why all this stuff was happening. After I got home and started doing some research i realized a few things. First I was diagnosed with a disease that has no cure, even though i had answers I quickly realized how scary that actually was. The second thing I realized is my body is not like that of a normal 33 year old, there’s a reason but its still hard to deal with. Things like practicing with my daughters softball team will leave me in pain the next day. I used to always think of myself as small but mighty lifting things i probably shouldn’t while moving or moving things bigger then me when cleaning, not anymore, my body’s to busy fighting itself to be strong. I’ve had to be on chemo, oral steroids, Lyrica, Plaquinil and other treatments as needed. It’s been very trying at times and honestly if I didn’t have the support of my wife and kids pushing me and letting me rest when needed i don’t know how i would have been making it through. It’s a statistic that 60% of women that have active SLE cant work due to the side effects they experience during it. I am realistic about my time here and my time here, i know i don’t have forever so not working or not going to a softball game or a parent teacher conference is just not an option for me, i will push myself until my body physically wont allow it and then ill dig deep and push harder. Hopefully that’s something I can show my girls. I thought this is one of the best examples of what SLE is and then what we face having it.
My favorite time of the year hands down is summer time. We have recently moved back from Fl. Where it is summer almost 9 months out of the year and I’m actually excited even though there is no beach to go to. You see when we lived in Fl. all of our kids flew home (here to Ohio) during the summer so as much as I still loved summer it was very hard on me being away from them, or doing things and thinking I wish they could be here or see this. This summer i get to spend doing fun things with our kids and my wife. My birthday is in the summer in fact this year its on fathers day. I’m not huge on my birthday but I’m very lucky to have a wife that always makes it very special for me. Even in times when we don’t have the money to waste or I don’t think its worth it to waste the money my wife doesn’t give me and option. Year after year she sweeps me off and takes me to the beach, plans a weekend get away, plans surprise parties or this year just goes to spend a day in Cincinnati with me. I actually messed up my birthday this year and she still found a way to make the weekend memorable. My daughter had ask to go to a concert and I had bought the tickets not realizing it was the Friday before my birthday. I thought for sure id be stuck in Cincinnati alone all day while my daughter and her friends were in line for this and enjoying themselves that and at this concert. My wife had other plans, she took a half day and said were going to enjoy the city and made plans for us to go to a Reds game as well. I’m very lucky and she always made my summers amazing and memorable even when i was sulking because we didn’t have the kids.
I was young still when I had my second tag baby. The pregnancy was terrible not like the first one, the birth oh what a story that turned out to be, and here’s just how it happened. I woke early that day, couldn’t figure out why, I had all the energy in the world. I took my daughter to kindergarten, told her we could go eat lunch when I picked her up, had the whole day planned just her and I, the baby had a different idea. I had a doctors appointment that day I had been getting ultra sounds regularly to check my amniotic fluid, and stress tests. I remember the drive there, it was freezing outside, I had my heat on blast and the radio blaring as usual. I arrived on time, I remember because I’m not usually on time for anything. As I walked in the mom and baby center at Miami Valley Hospital you could smell that new baby smell. I had my tests done and the Doctor came in and said we need to take you upstairs. A wave emotions rushed over me, I didn’t really have a chance to react. I called my mom when I got upstairs and asked her to pick up Ari. I sat in my hospital room alone, concerned for my baby, scared, confused, and slightly excited. I was in there for what seemed like forever. The doctor finally came in and explained I had almost no amniotic fluid for the baby to be floating around in and they were going to induce me with in the hour and hopefully have a baby soon. To bad no one told the doctor being late runs in the family. At around 10 am I was induced and little Miss Kenna didn’t join us until after 10 that night. It was an alarming but joyous experience all around, and that little girl has made me smile since the minute I had her. I am truly blessed.
Do you think of yourself as a writer. That’s a good question to ask yourself if your in a college English class. The thing about it is, I don’t know. I used to think of myself as a writer, in fact that used to be my way of expressing myself. In high school I would write poems and songs. I would write short stories and anytime I was writing in cards I would write so much it would take up the blank side of the card. I loved writing papers for school I always wrote more than I needed to because I felt like I had so much to say and so much information to give.
Now I am in my 30’s, a mother of two girls, step mom of two boys, a coach, a nurse and a wife and I can honestly say, NO, I no longer think of myself as a writer. Hopefully during this semester in school I can re learn the fundamentals of writing. I hope that by reading more and reading like a writer I learn to organize and format, tone and dictation, all things I feel that have lost along my way as an adult. I am hoping by writing this blog I can help myself and possibly others who express themselves through writing. I would like to be able to write in a way that inspires others, that sparks their interest to read what I’m writing. Writing can be passionate, informative and entertaining. It’s awesome what people can get across to others with their writing. Writing is such a deep way to put your words out there, be bold, be bare and just be you.